Happy New Year's, revelers! I must say my yuletide, despite an alarming amount of shopping, cooking, and cleaning, was fun and refreshing. I hope yours found you similarly. However, now that the yule log is smoldering out, they're stretching the BCS Bowl season into March, and we're at least three days into the shame of broken resolutions, I think two good lessons have emerged that I would like to highlight for the betterment of you, dear reader.
Speaking of New Year's Resolutions, I've got one: let's all work on this apostrophe as a plural, shall we? You are not the Smith's. You are The Smiths. Or the beautifully uncomplicated The Smith Family. It begs the question: Merry Christmas from The Smith's? The Smith's what? The Smith's house elf? And just who is this The Smith person who refers to himself in the third person? My teeth are itching.
But it's been awhile since I wielded my red pen as an English teacher. No, today, dear reader, is your quick list of reasons why you are a lousy houseguest. Just because I am invested in your wellness, really. It's like telling you about the spinach in your teeth. I yell because I care. You just might suck as a houseguest if:
You show up ill, physically or otherwise. If you have something you wouldn't wish on your host, you might suggest alternate housing, especially if your host has small children and you have explosive vomiting/diarrhea. And could you keep your mood pleasant? I know some trips can be hellish, but when you're scowling and slapping your children as soon as you arrive, they're likely to want to ask you to just get back in the car.
You think childcare comes with the room. Hey, buddy, I've got three small kids of my own. Come follow yours around, feed them, and keep them from destroying property.
It never occurs to you to offer to help in the kitchen. Male, female, it's just the decent thing to do. "Hey, you're doing a lot. Can I help some way?" Practice it. Don't let someone toil alone in the kitchen while the party whoops it up in another room. It has a direct correlation to seething. And related:
You fail to show enjoyment and gratitude. You have had guests. You know the truth: you, though loved, are expensive and disruptive. Compliment the house, the food, the trouble everyone's gone to, the fellowship, the fun. McKinney Momma says: you don't have to have money to never come empty-handed to a friend's.
You don't leave it as you found it. No one expects you scrub the guest bathroom before departure, but would it kill you to make the bed, throw out your trash, and walk your dishes to the kitchen?
Aren't you glad you have me to tell you, "You have just a little something...right there..." when you need it most? Again, you're welcome. You'll be so glad when people talk less smack behind your back. Related note: if you've been my guest recently, I'm sure I'm not talking it about you!
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