Stranger than Fiction: This Week in News

Ah, the weekend. At last! It's been a long week, folks. Winter is persisting in the weather patterns if not on the calendar. You've been working the grind, too busy to relax. Times like these call for what I like to call a mommy time-out, but they're really not restricted to gender. Sometimes, everyone needs to disappear into the bathroom for 45 minutes with a trashy magazine and a glass of wine in the interest of self care. And on that note, I bring you a cheat sheet of the week's most interesting stories you'll be able to finish before the kids start wiggling their fingers under the crack in the door. Pour that glass of pinot. I give you the week in review!

Our president was in the news this week, if you missed it. It was hard out there for a prez, it turns out. First, he's captured on a hot mike admitting he's happy to get away from that conclave of clowns we call Congress. Who can blame the man? None of us like 'em. He's just not allowed to say so. Bad Obama. But off our Commander in Chief jets to Israel, and the populace is warned as a whole not to expect anything. Hm. I guess underpromising and overdelivering is a thing. But still.

But that wasn't it for Mr. Obama. He must have been having a down day on his biorythm chart or something, because next his limo breaks down in the streets of Israel. Are you kidding me? The leader of the free world even drives a lemon? Was this an American made car? Quelle embarrassment! And then he's on to his speech where he's heckled. Even if you're not a fan, you've got to admit Obama had a tough week. At least no one threw a shoe. But the capper for Obama had to be being featured as the devil in the History Channel's series The Bible:



Wow. Roma Downey pulls no punches. However, I can forgive. Remember when Game of Thrones put Dubya's head on a pike?



Oh, Hollyweird. I love you.

Republicans also had their bonehead moments this week: New Jersey Governor Chris Christie expressed that he was "unsure" regarding the efficacy of what is called "conversion therapy," the practice of using counseling to "change" someone from gay to not gay. Which is ridiculous. Clinically speaking, of course. And star of the Republican Conservative Political Action Conference this week was Sarah Palin's Big Gulp. Anyone else looking forward to the return of the Grand Old Party?

No matter how tough your week, guess things could be worse in perspective: You could be Lindsay Lohan, she of the 50 plus arrests for partaying. Lindsay Lohan had another week of, well, being Lindsay Lohan, in the meanwhile. Back to rehab! Or Katy Perry, who got dumped (again!) by John Mayer. Or you could be poor pregnant Kim Kardashian, who is not having a glamorous pregnancy (shocking! Some of us were not "cute pregnant." I could have told Kim what would happen with that behind of hers. But I digress).

Yes, poor Kim Kardashian is having trouble dressing for pregnancy. She looks so uncomfortable in all those tight peplums and skirts. I hope it's not Kanye keeping her out of her rightful pregnancy mu-mus. Embrace the belly, lady. You'll be relieved to know Kim has hired Jennifer Lopez's stylists to help dress her for pregnancy after the internet did THIS to her:



This shouldn't happen even to a Kardashian. But if she names that baby "North," as rumors are suggesting? I may find it more difficult to defend her. North West. I. Just. Can't.

In happier news, Twilight fans (and admit it, TwiMoms, we know you're out there). Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson seem to have moved past their troubles and have reunited! SQUEE! And in other romance news, Patrick Stewart, known fondly as Captain Picard by Trekkies everywhere, has found love: the 72 year old married his 35 year old girlfriend this week. Because he could. And had the wedding officiated by Gandalf himself (actor Ian McKellan). You go, Picard. Make it so.

Also this week, Twitter turned seven. Thank god I now can keep up every day with what Lady Gaga had for lunch. Happy birthday, Twitter. Curse your addictive nature and steady stream of entertainment and information. But never leave me.

Yep, it was a long week in wacky. But here's my favorite story of the week: the construction of an Equality Center across the street from controversial Westborough Baptist Church. Feast your eyes on the building:



Magnificent. And a nice bit of good news. They're here. They're queer. And they're beautiful! Here's to activists for the powers of good.

And just like that, you're all caught up with my news of the weird for the week. You can count on me for rounding up the best for your limited self-care moments. Time's up, though. Time to come out of wherever you're hiding to read this. Close up your tablet, finish that glass of wine: guilty pleasures are fleeting. But be assured there will be more to come next week. Because truth really is stranger than fiction and a lot more entertaining. You can't make this stuff up.